Writing for the gladiators....

Think about those who haven’t long to live, who know that everything is over and done with, except the time in which the thought of their end unrolls. Deal with that time. Write for the gladiators. . . .

– E. M. Cioran, The Trouble With Being Born

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I've always loved this aphorism from the great pessimistic existential philosopher E. M. Cioran. There was even a brief time when I flirted with inking it into my skin before my friends' literary tattoo book came out. Writers are normally told to write for themselves, that the only thing that matters is that the work works for you. This is not true. Even when you are writing for yourself, you are conscious of the weight of the other's eyes. How will it sound to someone else who is not trapped in your head?

recent things, past things, future things

Recent things:

- "The Grandmaster Hoax" at The Paris Review Daily (an essay on chess, robots, and mysterious deaths)
- "Twosome" in NOON 2012 (a short story in one of my absolute favorite journals...not available online, but the issue should be in stores now)
- "A Note on the Type" in elimae (a short story about typefaces, jealousy, and intrigue)
- Art of the Sentence: Lincoln Michel in Tin House (a short essay on my favorite sentences by Franz Kafka)

Past things:

I've finally gotten around to creating a page to list (most) of my publications. I say most because I left off some of my early poems and stories that will hopefully be lost to history, and only listed select non-fiction pubs. Otherwise if, for some bizarre reason, you want to peruse my old stories and such you can.

Future things: 

Fiction forthcoming in Unsaid, The Fiddleback, and an anthology of presidential flash fiction. Some essays in the work as well as a killer comic collab with John Dermot Woods. More on those things at some future point.

uncanny mechanics

Over at The Paris Review Daily, I wrote about the 18th-century chess playing automaton known as The Turk:

The Turk became a spectacular attraction, thrilling, baffling, and terrifying viewers across Europe and America for decades. His victims included Benjamin Franklin, Catherine the Great, and Napoleon. In one account of that match, Napoleon, in perhaps telling fashion, moved first—despite the fact that the Turk was playing white—and then attempted illegal move after illegal move until the Turk, fed up with these shenanigans, swiped the pieces off the board with a stiff wooden arm.


Check it out! 

R.I.P. Moebius. One of the greatest ever.

I was very sad to hear about the passing of Jean Giraud aka Moebius aka Gir. Moebius was one of my favorite artists ever. His line work is insanely intricate, his colors are phenomenal, and his works are haunting, surreal, dreamy, and supremely beautiful.

His books are sadly hard to find in the United States, and in generally he isn't nearly as known as he should be. If you haven't read his comics, you will probably still recognize his aesthetic from concept art and storyboard work he did on films like Alien, Tron and The Fifth Element.

Below is sampling of his work. You can find many more here. Stare in wonder:

new story in elimae

I have a story up in the new issue of the always great elimae. It is about typefaces and begins:

This work has been set in Berdych, a typeface named after Antun Berdych who was a prominent typesetter and printer in the early years of the 17th century. The typeface was originally designed as a stunted, incongruous font with the kerning between the glyphs inconsistent and the vowels improperly rounded.


This is actually my first work of fiction in elimae, but they have published poems of mine in 2011, 2010, 2009, and 2008.

Annals of Not Getting It

I tweeted a Jack Handey joke (great comedian behind Deep Thoughts and some of the best SNL sketches) and got this response from a "Father, husband/ lover, socialist, philosopher, storyteller, servant of the living God, follower of Jesus Christ and believer in a global commonwealth."

Gigantic Minotaur Bags

If you are like me, you've spent many years thinking "What would my life be like if I owned a tote bag with an image of a minotaur posing like Raymond Carver? Would I be happier? More friendly at work? Eat better, more locally sourced food?" Well, now we can find out, together.

Gigantic organic cotton tote bags. These are seriously high-quality, big and usable. Same price as our popular mammoth totes.

my head is filled with Nietzsche? (Asterios Polyp)

Reading Asterios Polyp by David Mazzucchelli this week, I pretty much lost it when I got to this panel:

Valentine's Day Special: Franz Kafka's Love Letters

First off, over at Tin House I wrote about my favorite Franz Kafka story, The Judgment. Secondly, I was recently asked to take part in a dead love letter reading and decided to read some of Franz Kafka's love letters to his on-again off-again fiancé Felice Bauer.


Now, you probably know Kafka as a fairly lighthearted author who wrote whimsical stories about talking bugs and zany bureaucrats. However, these love letters reveal something of a darker, more tortured side that was hidden from the public eye.


Since I couldn't find these letters online and hand typed them for the reading, I thought I'd post my favorite two here for Valentine's day. Reproduced in full:

Post-Apocalyptic Grammy Awards

Another successful Grammy Awards went off without a hitch tonight. Here's a sneak peak at what future Grammy Awards might hold.

Grammys, Kanye West, Nicki Minaj, Thom Yorke, Bjork

...

A chicken stuffed in a duck inside a turkey inside an ostrich inside an edible wax model dodo inside a fossilized pterodactyl hidden inside a statue of Horus in a secret room in the Temple of Edfu.

Comic #4: Bad Date

My fourth comic. This one is big, so it is all after the break. (Previous comics: #3, #2, #1.)

RIP Dorothea Tanning

Max Ernst and Dorothea Tanning (1948)

"Art has always been the raft onto which we climb to save our sanity. I don't see a different purpose for it now."

-Dorothea Tanning

Dorothea Tanning, the oldest living Surrealist at the age of 101, passed away the other day. She published her first novel and books of poems in her 90s. She was married to Max Ernst from 1946 to his death in 1976. She spent the last few decades of her long life in New York.

She ruled.

A few of her works:

Ancient humor, dead animals, and Mitch Hedberg

Doing the normal internet procrastination rabbit hole thing, I came across an old article on ancient jokes. Apparently this is the oldest known joke (Sumerian, 1900 BC – 1600 BC):

Something which has never occurred since time immemorial: a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap

However, the one that caught my eye was from the Philogelos (oldest known joke book) 4th/5th century AD:

Wishing to teach his donkey not to eat, a pedant did not offer him any food. When the donkey died of hunger, he said "I've had a great loss. Just when he had learned not to eat, he died."

I think this is a pretty wicked little one-liner. The black humor and brevity even feels pretty modern. In fact, it instantly reminded me of one of my favorite jokes from one-liner king Mitch Hedberg (1968-2005).

I bought myself a parrot, but it did not say "I'm hungry", and so it died.

"the weird guy in the bear suit"

Great New York Times correction yesterday on an article about one of my favorite movies, The Shining:

Correction: January 29, 2012
 
An earlier version of this article incorrectly described imagery from “The Shining.” The gentleman seen with the weird guy in the bear suit is wearing a tuxedo, but not a top hat.

For Virginia Woolf's birthday

Some quotes:

"Each has his past shut in him like the leaves of a book known to him by his heart, and his friends can only read the title."

“Writing is like sex. First you do it for love, then you do it for your friends, and then you do it for money.”

“I am rooted, but I flow.”

"It's not catastrophes, murders, deaths, diseases, that age and kill us; it's the way people look and laugh, and run up the steps of omnibuses."

Renaissance Quiz (comic attempt #3)

This is based on some dumb tweet of mine from December. (Previous comics here, here, and here.)

pre-order me, baby

You can now pre-order Unsaid Six, which includes a story of mine called "Selections from a Sexual Survey." The new volume looks positively epic, featuring work from Brian Evenson, Diane Williams, Lorin Stein, Padgett Powell and many more. Very excited to be included.

In addition, I have two poems in the new PANK print issue, which should be shipping around now, as well as a story in the new NOON, which will be out in a few months. Great way to start 2k12.

Livin' Like a Bug Ain't Easy

I would easily listen to this Kafka rock opera record if it really existed. "Livin' Like a Bug Ain't Easy" (starting 1:14) is such a tear-jerker!



Living like a bug ain't easy
My old clothes don't seem to fit me
I got little tiny bug feet
I don't really know what bugs eat
Don't want no one stepping on me
Now I'm sympathizing with fleas
Living like a bug ain't easy

(This Japanese animated adaptation of "A Country Doctor" is great too.)

dripping dark so dense

When I was in middle school, I started listening to punk and hardcore. Easily the most important band for me at that age, and in high school, was the Dead Kennedys. The twisted collage art, the dark humor, Biafra's weird vocals, the surreal satire. An inordinate amount of my aesthetic can probably be traced back to this song in particular: