Escaped Furries Beaten and Tranquilized in Chinese Zoo Uprising

Facing a shortage of exotic animals for the ever-growing zoo-industrial complex, the Chinese government has begun caging humans in amusing anthropomorphic costumes. The costume seams are held together with a form of bamboo-derived industrial glue to prevent wardrobe malfunctions. However, these caged and costumed attractions, being slightly more intelligent than the animals they play, have begun figuring out how to escape their cages. Two such incidents involving a "tiger" and an "orangutan" occurred recently in the Sichuan province to the great disturbance of the children and women present. Luckily, the escaped faux-animals were quickly subdued and returned to their enclosures before they could do physical harm to any of the zoo-going public who had, after all, paid their admission in full.

(Okay, that isn't quite the "true" story.)