Blast from my past

Something from the vault (McSweeneys.net):

Q: Dear Lincoln,

We often hear about the amazing abilities of other animals, such as the incredible strength of ants, the jumping power of fleas, and the speed of cheetahs. Is there anything that humans are the best at?

—Cathy, age 12

A: I hate to break it to you, Cathy, but those "facts" are little more than myths. The average ant can barely lift a bread crumb, and I have never seen a flea that could jump high enough to slam-dunk like NBA All-Star shooting guard Kobe Bryant (swoosh!)